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Car Nerds

I don't know if the phrase has already been coined but if not, I'm coining 'Car Nerds' now. Car nerds are like 'Rev heads' only they know next to nothing about how a car actually works. However they can wax on for hours about what brand of rims they bought and why their car stereo has better sound reproduction than their surround sound home cinema system.

A car nerd does know a little bit about how the engine works. Specifically how the engine on their car works. They're fairly certain engines on other cars probably work the same but they don't know for sure because, what they know about car engines, they learnt from trying to get their car going again after a break down.

That's as far as it goes. Car nerds have no idea what a differential is or why you need one. At least not until they break one with their 'natural talent for accelerating to just above the speed limit in under three seconds'. They have no idea that this kind of driving puts unnecessary wear on parts that should last the life of the car.

Car Nerds spend most of their money on things they don't need to improve the performance of their car. They're particularly attracted to any product that will make their car sound louder, like exhaust amplifiers. I must confess - I don't know if that is what they're called. I just know you can get something that increases the noise of the car by adding it to the end of the exhaust pipe. Kind of like adding a bit of cardboard into the rear wheel of a bicycle so that the noise of it flicking on the spokes makes a sound like a motorbike. It's a useless piece of equipment that attempts to make a four cylinder block sound like a V8. Does nothing to boost performance.

On the subject of making the car sound louder, car nerds do this because they want their cars (i.e. themselves) to be noticed wherever they go. Then they complain about police harassment because their car got noticed by a passing cop (who knows full well that car nerds are more likely to break road rules or have dodgy cars). Car nerds think they can drive simply because they know how to do a burn out and switch lanes on the highway more times than a formula one driver.

In short, car nerds know everything they need to know about driving. Their two years of driving experience means they can drive like a blind octopus trying to make a decision about which arm to adjust the volume on the stereo with. They know everything about how not to drive a car.

It's like all the habits of the worst drivers put behind a wheel.

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