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Halloween - The Door-to-Door Salesperson of Holidays

Halloween isn't really a thing in Australia but over the years it's been gaining momentum thanks to variety and party hire stores that stock up on all things spooky for the occasion.

I dread Halloween every year because I never know if this is going to be the year some wide eyed group of costumed up kids is going to knock on the door and yell 'Trick or Treat' at me. A truly scary thought.

Halloween is a fantastic idea for a holiday, completely ruined by the tradition of going door to door for treats. If you or your family does this, I sincerely hope you never knock on the door of houses that a) You've never met the owner in any capacity and, b) are clearly not participating in the festivities demonstrated by their lack of any Halloween decorations at all.

If you're like me you probably hate door-to-door salespeople, a practice that has thankfully decreased but is still employed by phone and power companies from time to time. There's nothing worse than people knocking on your door with the expectation of getting you to commit to something.

Scratch that, maybe those religious terrorists who pedal their Watchtower magazines door-to-door, are a little worse but they tend to be slow moving and easily identified, giving you plenty of time to shut everything down and pretend you're not home.

Trick-or-Treaters operate in the dark so they're harder to see coming, and they know you're home because they can see your lights are on.

You may ask, what's with all the malaise towards kids just out collecting candy as per the holiday tradition? Keep some candy spare, just in case and you're set. No drama.

Trick-or-Treaters are just like door-to-door salespeople. They knock on the door expecting something from you... and, if you don't give it them, it gives them license to play a 'trick' on you... which often seems to involve 'egging' your house (which I'd like to point out is not a 'trick' by any definition).

It's basically extortion gift wrapped as holiday fun. Just stop it.

Look I'm not saying don't celebrate Halloween. Like I said it's a great holiday. I actually love the spooky themes and costumes. I'm just socially awkward when it comes to kids knocking on my door all bright and happy... and... I'm just not that shiny, happy person, pleased to see them that they're hoping for. I can't even fake it convincingly. It's just awkward.

If Halloween ever does catch on in Australia, do yourself a favor and leave those poor souls alone whose front light isn't on and their front yard is completely decoration free. Those houses are the equivalent of graveyard crypts and should not be disturbed.

Celebrate with people who you know are into it. You'll have a much better time.

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