Skip to main content

Emo Spider-man what a loser.

This isn't a movie review, it's more of a movie reflection. My thoughts after seeing Spider-man 3 on the cinema screen. I'm assuming, if you're reading this then you have seen the movie. I'm not going to do any kind of story outline or worry about giving away plot details. If you haven't seen it then don't read further.

Before I get on to the movie... WTF is with the movie's official site? Trying to find a cast and crew list is next to impossible, none of the photo galleries have captions and there's precious little text to read outside of the film's blogs. It's a sad day when you have to visit sites not directly related to a film in order to get information about cast and crew. Thanks to Premiere for your great article.

I think it's time director, Sam Raimi, turned his attention else where. Spider-man, the first movie was excellent. Spider-man 2, not too bad. Spider-man 3, it's all gone back to being a cartoon. It reminds me of Joel Schumacher's catch cry on the Batman 3 and 4 sets - "remember we're making a cartoon!" A catch cry that would ultimately doom the franchise for years because Joel didn't take the material seriously.

My biggest criticism of Spider-man 3 lies in the editing. There are several sequences in this movie with a lot happening yet at many points time seems to be suspended for dialog. Case in point, the scene with an out of control crane in which Spidey rescues Gwen Stacy by breaking her fall out of a sky scraper. Cut to the ground. The crane is still out of control and Spidey is talking to new Bugle photographer, Eddie Brock about who is Spidey's official photographer. Err...crane out of control - when you have a moment Spider-man.

This kind of editing happens a lot in the final big fight sequence too. The action elsewhere appears to be suspended whilst we wait for some important dialog between the current protagonists on the screen.

The plot lines are not interwoven well at all. Everything feels to be happening one after the other rather than concurrently (like it should be) in many places.

So lets get onto the whole 'black spidey suit'. Some, unexplained, black, living alien goo crashes to earth in a meteor shower. Not only does Peter and MJ not notice the bright flash of a meteor landing (exploding!) near his motor scooter but the alien goo gets no further explanation as to it's source (and no one back at the science lab where Peter takes a sample of the goo ever questions where it came from?).

The goo when combined into a Spidey suit is meant to enhance the existing powers of the wearer through symbiosis? Okay. This is fiction so I can buy that. Why then does Eddie Brock become the 'anti-spider-man' 'Venom' with all Spider-mans powers when he wears the suit? Eddie Brock doesn't have Spider-man's abilities. Am I supposed to assume that the alien goo absorbed some of Spidey's powers and gave them to Eddie?

Throughout the film, Peter Parker wears the black suit under his street clothes and becomes 'Emo' Peter. At least that is what is implied by the 'emo style' fringe and darker wardrobe. Yet at the same time the suit is making him more confident and self assured. Very un-emo like. Worst scene. Peter Parker dancing, Travolta style down the street thinking he's the coolest thing around. It was meant to be funny (given the reactions he got from passers by) but it just made me cringe like a lame joke told badly.

Getting on to other characters. Harry Osborn (a.k.a. the Green Goblin Junior.) played by James Franco must be the most miscast character of the franchise. He's unconvincing in virtually every scene. He's got a brooding face that looks like a smacked babies behind. Bugs the hell out of me. Aside from that, Goblin and Spidey fight sequences - play it up for the computer game. Boring and predictable. Just like the Pod races in Star Wars, Episode 1. Computer game written all over it.

Sandman. What were they thinking at that particle physics lab? Even the police and their dogs got through that fence to look at whatever that particle generator thingy was? Maybe they weren't too concerned about security because the machine couldn't actually kill you, it would just turn you into a super sandman with incredible strength and an ability to fly with the wind? I hope they had a permit for that thing.

Sand "I've got to get money to save my daughter" man was the most pointless of bad guys in the film. Nice effects to create him though. How gullible is Peter Parker? Every time he was told a new version of his uncle's death he believed it without question? Sandman said he didn't mean to kill Peter's uncle. Sandman is an escaped convict who thinks turning to crime is a rational solution to raise money for his daughter (ever heard of a fund raising dinner? Getting a Job? Applying for a loan?). Everything he says must be true.

Eddie Brock doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would go to church for any reason let alone to ask God to kill Peter. Yet he does after being humiliated by Peter Parker in the work place. He seems more like the kind of guy that would've got plastered at the nearest bar then confronted Peter in a drunken rage later in the day.

However, Venom has to be the most interesting bad guy of the whole series. Shame he's only there in the last two acts. I thought the effects to create him were spot on and incredibly menacing. Even if I don't understand why Eddie gets Spidey powers? They should have scrapped Sandman and Green Goblin and just done a Spidey/black suit/Venom film. Could've been way fiercer and far more edge of your seat.

Instead the only edge of your seat stuff we have here is various characters at various times potentially plummeting to their death - yawn. Didn't that happen in the other two Spidey films?

My final gripe for this article (I could go on) is, what is it with Spider-man's mask? In all the movies Spider-man ends up fighting without the mask on. Particularly in the major, concluding fight sequences, where hundreds of onlookers, including people that know Peter, are watching. In Spider-man 3 everyone in the crowd at the end is either taking photos or filming for the TV news. How could they not get a picture of Spidey without the mask? Doesn't the TV news own a zoom lense?

I've been knocking this movie the whole way through. I will say it wasn't a bad experience. It was worth going to see. I just hope they do a re-cut for DVD that makes the whole thing flow better. It was the editing, more than anything else, that let this film down. Everything else I can say - well it's fiction so it doesn't have to always make sense.

I'd still by the DVD for the bonus features and Venom.

Buy Gifts and Apparel featuring art by TET.

Popular posts from this blog

How to Transfer Any Line Art to Your Griptape - Easy Skateboard Griptape Art Tutorial

Dog Star Griptape Art by TET Griptape art is once again gaining popularity amongst modern skateboarders. For those of us who have tried to create our own griptape art, using paint pens, you'll know reproducing your design onto the grip, without making any mistakes is incredibly challenging. Mostly because you just have to go for it and draw the design freehand, with paint pens, directly onto the griptape. You can make the odd mistake here or there but if you get the proportions of the design completely wrong, it can be very difficult to fix. Often you just have to live with the mistake. To address the problem I've come up with an easy way anyone can transfer a line art design to their griptape, removing almost all the anxiety of getting the proportions wrong. In fact, you could do this with any line art design, even if you have no drawing skill at all. Watch the video below to see my technique in action and/or skip past the video where I highlight the basic steps to get your de

Man Eating Koalas Right Where I Live!

Not the actual Koala. When I take our dogs for a walk it's not enough that I have to watch out for snakes, lizards, prickles and other over enthusiastic dogs but now I also have to watch out for man eating koalas too! Well alright more like woman biting koalas but this happened right in the suburb where I live, and possibly where I walk my own dogs. Who would ever suspect a largely vegan koala would go rogue for a pound of leg flesh!

Skateboard Trick Tips: Two Ways to Ollie North (Ollie One foot)

You have to be quick to see my Ollie Norths! Ollie One Foots, otherwise known as the Ollie North, is one of those skateboard tricks you learn and then tend not to do very much as more interesting trick challenges grab your attention. However it does look really cool if you learn how to kick your front foot well past the nose of your skateboard. Still shot from Braille Skateboarding's Ollie North tutorial. I was inspired to make my video below, showing two different techniques to achieve a successful Ollie One Foot, when I not only saw that Braille Skateboarding's Tutorial used a different method to the one I had learned but also, when I looked at various other video tutorials, I discovered yet another technique, with no one using the method I had originally learned. Braille's method is to simply Ollie and drag your front foot past the front of your board. The second method I came across in several video tutorials is to Ollie, drag your front foot and tap your

Some Firsts I Could Have Done Without - What a Way to Finish Christmas!

I'm fine now, but earlier... Like most people, our extended family of relatives is fairly spread out across various locations, so getting everyone together at Christmas is often a small miracle. This year, the Adelaide clan, consisting of two vehicles, ours, with myself, my partner (Enigma), three grand kids, and our dog, Oscar, did a two and a half(ish) hour drive north, from Gawler to Port Pirie, South Australia, three days after Christmas, for a family gathering in a Church Hall hosted by Enigma's mother.  The rest of the family made a similarly long trip south from the very Aussie named town of Bruce. All this is just to set the scene for this guy... me. All I was hoping for, aside from a great Christmas family get together, was to make it through to the end of this day without getting sick. By that I mean, Enigma and I had just come off a two to three week, hellish run of coughing and sinus issues, and were well on the mend in the week up to Christmas. I just didn't wa

Movie Review: Avatar 2 - The Way of Water (2022) *Spoiler Free*

To be honest I didn't think, after so many years, a second Avatar movie would have anywhere near the success of the first film. However, at the time of writing this review, Avatar 2 - The Way of Water had already made a billion dollars at the box office in just 12 days. As much as the first film has become a little bit of a joke - mostly just for how long it has taken to get a sequel - people did enjoy that movie and Avatar 2, I feel, is a better experience. It's easily of the same quality visually but also, there's more story and characters to invest in. Not to mention the additional world building. Avatar 2 picks up several years after the first movie. Jake Sully now has a young family on Pandora who he is forced to protect when a familiar threat returns to the extrasolar moon. While the broad themes and plot are not that different from the first movie, within that there are interesting sub stories of family, fathers, being different, and revenge. All of which is balance

Course Review: Passive Income for Graphic Designers - Sell Your Designs, Graphics, Fonts & More

Passive Income is that somewhat elusive idea of earning a living even while you're sleeping. Often considered a 'scam' term used by charismatic marketers to sell you a dream of instant riches asterixed with, in very tiny print "results may vary". Passive Income Course for Graphic Designers is a Udemy course by Skybox Creative (a.k.a. designer, Angelina Samadhi) that guides you through the actual work you need to do (a point that is often glossed over by those charismatic marketers) to create a passive income business selling digital art and design products online. Note that I am an Udemy Affiliate and links within this article to the course are affiliate links. You don't have to use them but it does help keep this site free. Having said that, Passive Income for Graphic Designers is a course I have completed in full, not simply to write a review, but to actually learn from Angelina's experience... because I'm definitely not earning a living from affil

Movie Review: A Man Called Otto (2023) *No Spoilers*

In the tradition of grumpy old man learns a bit of compassion or gains a new lease on life films comes A Man Called Otto with Tom Hanks in the titular role. Based on an internationally best selling book, after the death of his wife, Otto lives alone on a housing estate complex where he's somewhat taken on the role of unofficial rule enforcer and resident grumpy old man. A few of the longer term residents seem to tolerate his grouchiness having known both him and his wife in better times. Now he's living his life with one foot in the grave until the arrival of his new neighbors, a young family, that draw him into their world. Otto is the kind of grumpy most people can relate to. His beef is with life, fools, people who don't follow the rules, and anyone that drives the wrong brand of car (which is about as political as this film gets). Unsurprisingly Tom Hanks is very good at playing 'grumpy' even if I wouldn't class his Otto as 'the grumpiest man in Americ