Skip to main content

The Star Wars Saga: Episode II, Attack of the Clones *All Spoilers*

Continuing my series of posts, as one of my local TV stations shows every Star Wars movie in order, every Saturday, for the next six weeks leading up to the release of Star Wars, Episode VII, The Force Awakens, here is my response to and thoughts on Star Wars, Episode II, Attack of the Clones.

After The Phantom Menace I just wasn't interested in seeing Episode II in the cinema. I don't think I made any effort to see it or even had any anticipation for it's release.



To be perfectly honest, it wasn't because Episode 1 was particularly bad, it just didn't have any of my favorite characters in it. Specifically Han Solo and Chewbacca.

I was also a huge Boba Fett fan, but I didn't know at the time he was even in Episode II, such was my disinterest in the film. When the film was shown on free to air TV the first time I did find this out but it was kid Boba Fett and a Clone Army of Jango Fett's kind of ruined Boba Fett's uniqueness. Even though, technically Boba Fett didn't have bits of his brain (or whatever they take out of the clones) missing to make him compliant and easy to control.

George Lucas, I seem to recall, once described Episode II as a love story. Which, I suspect, is why I failed to sit through it upon first viewing on free to air TV. This was my first introduction to Hayden Christensen as an actor and all I can remember is I just wanted to punch him in the face in the hope he would go away. His Anakin Skywalker was such a whiny, ungrateful, brat (with a face like a smacked baby's ass - which is my favorite expression for anyone who looks unhappy without good cause).

His character and performance alone completely killed any flickering flame of Star Wars fandom I had left. When Episode III came out I had no interest at all in seeing it. Not even on free to air TV.

I'm sure by now many people have picked these movies to death. It's really not that hard to see the shortcomings. After finally sitting through the entire movie for the first time last Saturday here's what stood out to me...

  • R2 D2 Ten years older and still not old tech. The movie is set 10 years after Episode 1 and R2 D2 was already looking well worn then. I know droids in this universe have full autonomy but they're still subservient and built for a purpose. If R2 isn't already an antique he definitely will be by Episode VII.
     
  • After Senator Padmé Amidala's fairly slow and uneventful arrival on Coruscant, we get a moment of action when her ship is blown up on the platform, followed by the usual Jedi council rabble spouting uninteresting politics and a flaky premise of having a Jedi guard the former Queen simply because Ben is available. Guess most of her entourage must've been blown up.
     
  • Anakin, on first reuniting with Senator Padmé, despite her recognizing him and remembering him as the little boy from Tatooine, Anakin says almost immediately, to Jar Jar that the Senator didn't even recognize him and had forgotten who he is. I mean, what the? Did anybody even proof read this script? It's like he expects her to remember him from the last year or so ago even though this is their first ten year reunion.
     
  • Ten years later, Anakin still hasn't gone back for his mother... he doesn't call, he never writes... you're mother's a slave dude... you couldn't at least get someone to go and look out for her?
     
  • Ben Kenobi just jumps straight out of a upper story window to grab a very small assassin droid. Could he not like, use the force to bring it inside or something? I mean, in Episode V Darth Vader rips whole structures out of place and throws them a Luke with the force.
     
  • Anakin must jump out of cars a lot because Ben says he hates it when he does that. Perhaps they should get a flying car with a roof?
     
  • Anakin whining to Senator Padmé and getting angry about how Kenobi is holding him back even though he's barely spent any time with her to be this familiar. Already the relationship looks a bit creepy and it's beyond me how a former Queen could find Anakin even remotely attractive when he's showing this level of immaturity.
     
  • Kira Knightly really dodged a bullet playing a less than memorable role in both this and the previous film as the queen's personal assistant. Seriously, I never knew she was in these movies until I started writing these blog posts. You'll never hear her say "When I worked on Star Wars..."
     
  • Ben couldn't deduce for himself that information could be erased from the Jedi Archive but a child Jedi in training almost immediately suggests it. Apparently only a Jedi can delete info from the archive. Not even Yoda can think of who and needs time to ponder it.
     
  • I don't understand how the clone army can be under construction for nearly ten years without any contact from the Jedi that commissioned them. Particularly since that guy died and it seems nobody bothered to cancel the order. Must have paid for it all in advance?
     
  • Anakin's first kiss scene on Naboo... creepy as!
     
  • Anakin's grasp of politics isn't too sharp as he describes exactly what politics is as an alternative to the status quo. Clearly Padmé isn't into Anakin for his intelligence. Really bad CGI of Anakin riding a... whatever that Naboo creature is?
     
  • Over an hour in and no real action since the senator's space ship was blown up. Bouncing from one dialogue scene to another. Probably why I couldn't watch this all the way through for a long time. Just plain boring.
     
  • Anakin says he will do anything the Senator asks - "How about leave me alone you whiney dick". That's pretty much what she's saying through out the whole scene.
     
  • Some how Yoda realizes their ability to use the force has been diminished. How? It's an energy property of the universe that doesn't have a power dial that can be turned up and down. Is his midi-chlorian count down?
     
  • Obi Wan attacks Jango for no apparent reason other than he suspects him of being involved in the plot to kill the senator. Way to go peacemaker!
     
  • Kind of cool spaceship battle between Jango and Kenobi in an asteroid field but we've seen a better one already in Empire.
     
  • C3 PO already working for Uncle Owen, yet in Star Wars Owen has no memory of having owned a similar droid previously. Even worse, C3 PO has no memory of Owen. Must be too many languages in his brain circuits to remember such a fun fact? No wait... didn't George Lucas once say the whole saga was intended to be told from C3 PO and R2 D2's point of view - That's why they're in every movie.
     
  • Anakin going postal on the Tusken Raiders after the death of his mother... should have gone after her sooner, I mean geez it's been 10 years.
     
  • Apparently Yoda can sense Anakin in pain as he massacres Sand People on Tatooine even with diminished force ability.
     
  • Oh God, Droid factory is the computer game sequence of the film. R2 Literally pushes C3 PO into danger. Whole sequence is pointless and does nothing to really advance the plot. It feels like Star Wars Mario Brothers.
     
  • Colosseum execution sequence and battle is probably one of the most memorable parts of this film simply for the sheer scale of it with so much going on. Certainly when I think of this film I think of all the Jedi warriors brandishing light sabers and being surrounded in a brief stale mate. It's also one of the reasons I dislike the film. There's nothing exhilarating about watching lots of people using light sabers.
     
  • Senator Padmé using a blaster is pretty awesome, not least because she's actually pretty accurate. She should start a business teaching Stormtroopers to shoot straight.
     
  • Yoda fighting Count Dooku is pretty cool but does loose some of its edge because we've kind of OD'ed on light sabers at this point.
     
After the Yoda/Dooku battle I'd kind of had enough of this film. It runs for about three hours once you put commercials in it.

I'm also confused because it appears to me that both the Separatist armies and the Clone Armies are actually controlled by Darth Sidious? Except I don't actually care because whatever Darth Sidious has going on it's the least interesting sub plot of the prequels... boring political game playing.

At least I can now say I've watched it all the way through. I will concede that Hayden had to contend with a poorly written script in terms of the romance aspect. George Lucas just can't write romance.

To me Anakin comes across as a classic case of a future domestic violence perpetrator. He's just too intense and inappropriate with his emotions around Senator Padmé and I still don't buy that a highly intelligent, worldly former Queen would fall for his BS.

Comments

Buy Gifts and Apparel featuring art by TET.

Popular posts from this blog

How to Transfer Any Line Art to Your Griptape - Easy Skateboard Griptape Art Tutorial

Dog Star Griptape Art by TET Griptape art is once again gaining popularity amongst modern skateboarders. For those of us who have tried to create our own griptape art, using paint pens, you'll know reproducing your design onto the grip, without making any mistakes is incredibly challenging. Mostly because you just have to go for it and draw the design freehand, with paint pens, directly onto the griptape. You can make the odd mistake here or there but if you get the proportions of the design completely wrong, it can be very difficult to fix. Often you just have to live with the mistake. To address the problem I've come up with an easy way anyone can transfer a line art design to their griptape, removing almost all the anxiety of getting the proportions wrong. In fact, you could do this with any line art design, even if you have no drawing skill at all. Watch the video below to see my technique in action and/or skip past the video where I highlight the basic steps to get your de

Batman Cosplay Breaks the World Record for Most Functional Gadgets

Julian Checkley in his record breaking Bat Suit. If anyone should hold the world record for most functional gadgets in a cosplay suit it's Batman. Not the actual Batman, whose suit is actually his work clothes and not cosplay, the honour goes to Batman Cosplayer, Julian Checkley.

Skateboard Trick Tips: Two Ways to Ollie North (Ollie One foot)

You have to be quick to see my Ollie Norths! Ollie One Foots, otherwise known as the Ollie North, is one of those skateboard tricks you learn and then tend not to do very much as more interesting trick challenges grab your attention. However it does look really cool if you learn how to kick your front foot well past the nose of your skateboard. Still shot from Braille Skateboarding's Ollie North tutorial. I was inspired to make my video below, showing two different techniques to achieve a successful Ollie One Foot, when I not only saw that Braille Skateboarding's Tutorial used a different method to the one I had learned but also, when I looked at various other video tutorials, I discovered yet another technique, with no one using the method I had originally learned. Braille's method is to simply Ollie and drag your front foot past the front of your board. The second method I came across in several video tutorials is to Ollie, drag your front foot and tap your

ANZAC Day and the South Australian Governor General's New Fence

ANZAC Centenary Memorial Walk, Adelaide SA. Australian's love to honour their war heroes and so they should. South Australia is no exception, with memorials to fallen soldiers in almost every town and city. Adelaide even has road bridges named after famous battles from the Vietnam war. ANZAC Day (April 25th) is the one day where we put all those war memorials to use in memory of all who served from World War I onward with parades and dawn services attended by thousands. Arguably, ANZAC day is more popular than it ever has been in Australia, with pilgrimages back to Gallipoli in Turkey now a thing that many Australians hope to do at least once. To see and attend services where it all began.

A.I. Can Now Create Art Based Upon Text Prompts - DALL-E 2 and CrAIyon (Formerly DALL-E Mini)

"a painting of a fox sitting in a field at sunrise in the style of Claude Monet” Image by DALL-E 2, OpenAI.com One thing people have often said is that machines will never replace creative artists because they lack the imagination and emotion required to create anything meaningful. A.I. technology is now good enough to work as writing assistants, including sites like Jasper and Rytr , where you simply tell the A.I. what you want to write about and it'll produce a complete article on that subject. The article may not be perfect but it can sure save you a lot of time. DALL-E 2: Realistic images and art from a description in natural language. With the release of DALL-E 2 there is now an A.I. that can produce realistic (or artistically styled) images based entirely on text prompts in seconds. We're not just talking about collaging a few images together here either. DALL-E 2 can create images where everything looks fairly seamless and purposefully included. Rather than me try

Artificial Intelligence, Chat Bots, and Sentient Machines - Where is my Robot Companion?

As fascinating and exciting as the world of robotics is companies like Boston Dynamics , Disney Imagineering , and Engineered Arts (which I wrote about their very human-like robot, Ameca , in my previous post ), have demonstrated it's very possible to create human like robots. That is, something along the lines of C3-PO from Star Wars , or Sonny from iRobot . Arguably, what isn't possible at this time, is creating a sentient robot i.e. something that can think for itself, develop its own ideas, and even have emotions.  I say 'arguably' because being 'sentient' is a somewhat relative term. If we're talking the equivalent of human sentience then current robots and artificial intelligences (A.I.) are a long way off. However, we can create robots that are capable of learning on their own.  You could, conceivably create a robot that starts out following its programming then, over time, learns behaviors and problem solving in ways never conceived by its creator

The Braille Skateboarding App - How it Changed My Mind on Switch Skating

My Profile on the Braille Skateboarding App. Braille Skateboarding launched it's new Skateboarding App worldwide on November 23rd, 2020. About a month prior to that they did a 'soft launch' via email for anyone living in Australia. I'm guessing this was to give the app a final test in the real world before launching it proper. Rather than explain what it is, watch Aaron Kyro, founder of Braille Skateboarding, run you through the app in the launch video below.  In a nutshell the app is virtually everything Braille has to offer accessed right from your phone, from tutorials to the Braille Army Community. The app is free but you can unlock more features if you upgrade to a paid membership. Braille App Trick List. One of the apps unique free features is keeping track of the tricks you've learned and giving you an overall score so you have some way to measure your progression. There is an extensive list of tricks, covering all types of skateboarding, categorized by diff